I have a book my husband gave me years ago, way before I dove into the bottle and disappeared. He gave it to me because of the title on the cover: "Each Day A New Beginning - DAILY MEDITATIONS FOR WOMEN." I have a history of depression and he thought this would be inspiring.
I don't remember reading it then. I just kept it on the back of the toilet tank in a white wicker basket with soaps for guests in our downstairs half bath off the kitchen as part of my B&B theme decor. I remember my cousin John coming for a visit, and he had to use the restroom. I was standing in the kitchen putting a tray of cheese and grapes together when he raced out of the bathroom with a look of concern and said he'd seen the book on the back of the toilet. "Karen," he whispered with his head lowered. I thought we'd run out of toilet paper. "I didn't know you had a problem. I struggled for a while too." It was only then I found out it was a book for recovering alcoholics and addicts.
I still have the book and now I read it daily. Or I did until my friend Kat died two weeks ago. I've been too depressed to do much of anything other than make sure I make a daily meeting either on zoom or in person. This morning I woke up feeling a little better so I picked it up and read. I feel like my Hazelden book is my oracle. It always seems to know exactly what to say on the day I need to hear that exact passage. I don't read the days randomly to fit my mood, I just dilligently read the right day. Today is the 14th so I read the June 14th meditation.
Let me say I woke up today filled with inspiration. I've been thinking of what to do to in my next chapter of life and how I can take my years of experience to help and give back to the recovery community. My background is a journalism degree from Rutgers, advertising and marketing, some newspaper and magazine work, designing in the garment district, running my own print design studio and working in a print shop. So I know design and writing. Blogging seemed a good idea and selling products I designed and donating a percentage to rehabs and recovery houses.
This morning I thought of Kat and how she loved my patio garden pictures I texted our women's group the day before she OD'd and died. She texted back, "Love it!" with an attached heart emoji. Kat always attached heart emojis when she liked something. I thought of a product that would be in honor of her and then I thought of her daughter who is five and going to grow up without her mother, and I thought maybe I'd make a product to sell with profits going to her and help send her to private school like Kat wanted.
Creative thoughts like these were spinning in my head and I rushed with inspiration to this site to write them all down before they disappeared. But first, I decided to pick up my daily meditation book I hadn't read for two weeks while I grieved her passing.
"June 14 * All of us have unique talents and gifts. No obstacle, be it physical, mental or emotional, has the power to destroy our innate creative energies."
Now I really feel inspired to create. I'm going to start penciling them down and run them by a couple of friends who might help me getting them produced.
My God-given talents are creating, designing and writing. Every day since I stopped drinking and started my 12 step program I ask God what His will for me is and how I can best serve Him and all the sick and suffering in and out of the rooms.