A New Year in Recovery— Getting Off the Pain Carousel

For most of my life, the turn of the year felt like judgment day.

Another calendar, same pain.

Same anxiety. Same carousel of thoughts I couldn’t get off.

This year feels different.

There’s still uncertainty. There are still unknowns. But under all of it, there’s something I’ve never had before: peace. A quiet sense that I’m no longer trapped inside myself.

A few nights ago, before a meeting, I sat down with my sponsor — my longtime recovery mentor — to talk through what we call a Fourth Step: a deep written inventory of my life, the patterns, hurts, and fears that have followed me for years.​

It’s my second time doing it — and my last. The binder is full. Three inches thick. Years of work.

The Fourth Step is often described as a moral inventory, but for me, it’s been something deeper: a way to uncover the root causes of my pain so I could finally heal and move forward.

Not just stop drinking — but stop suffering.​

When we finished, my sponsor was glowing. She said she could see the difference in me — how much calmer, more grounded, and at peace I seemed. She noticed my steadiness. My strength. The ease in how I talk about my life now.

And she was right.

That’s what emotional sobriety has given me.

I don’t cling to sobriety by sheer willpower — “white knuckling” — anymore.

I don’t feel deprived.

I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything.

I’m happy, joyous, and free — not because life is perfect, but because I’m no longer trapped inside myself.

Getting Off the Pain Carousel

For most of my life, I lived on what I now call the pain carousel — anxiety, depression, fear, looping thoughts, old stories that never resolved. I kept circling the same places, hoping something would change.

It didn’t — until I did.

So when I think about a New Year’s wish, it isn’t about resolutions or achievements or even success.

My wish is simple:

That anyone who is suffering — with anxiety, depression, addiction, or the quiet exhaustion of carrying pain alone — finds a way off that carousel and back into life.

Because it’s possible.I’m living proof.

What 2026 Looks Like

As I look toward 2026, I feel both grounded and excited.

I’ll continue expanding Women in the Rooms — a place for women to meet, reflect, and grow together. When meetings resume, the focus will be clear and gentle: emotional sobriety, inner healing, and living life from the inside out. Less performing. More truth. Less fixing. More becoming.

I’ll also be offering workshops built around my RETURN Method —

Reveal the story. Explore the thoughts. Trace the patterns. Uncover the fear. Rewrite the story. Nurture the new truth.

It’s the same work I’ve done myself — just offered now in an easier, softer, deeply supportive way for women who are ready to heal.

Joy, Creativity, and What’s Next

There’s joy here too — the kind that comes from saying yes to life.

I’ve enrolled in an improv group at Vivid Stage in my hometown. I’m finishing an incredible Speaker U course through NSA/NYC and honing my keynote voice. I’m starting to say yes to more speaking invitations. I’m completing my memoir and book proposal and trusting them forward — from my pen to God’s ears.

Barry has dreams too — maybe Montreal, maybe Gettysburg, maybe a few historic towns along the way. I’m happy to be his tour guide, especially when our travels center on what he loves.

We are profoundly blessed. He’s finished immunotherapy. We’re living in bonus years now. I’m sober. Life feels open again.

A New Year, Gently

Anything feels possible — not in a pressured way, but in a peaceful one.

This year, I’m devoted to sharing what I’ve learned, the joy I’ve found, and the lessons recovery has given me — honestly, imperfectly, and with gratitude.

Wishing you a happy, healthy 2026.

May it bring you peace, healing, and the quiet courage to step fully back into your life.