One Day - One Moment - at a Time

“If you want to be happy, do not dwell in the past, do not worry about the future, focus on living fully in the present.”- Roy Bennett

I used to live in the past -- regretting mistakes, mourning younger days, cursing money lost and re-living traumas and pain I experienced years ago. Looking back, I'd be overcome with anger, pain and depression.

If I wasn't living in the past, I was lying awake at night fearing the future; what's going to happen to me, will I get that job, will I ever work again, where will I live in a few years, etc. I was filled with anxiety and fear that kept me awake night after night.

No wonder I was on medication and seeing a therapist every week!

The problem was I wasn't living in the moment, and the moment is all we have.

"The past is the past. There's nothing that can be done, " I was told. But that didn't help me. I couldn't stop my brain from drifting.

But now I can.

I've learned I can't change things outside myself. I have to look inside and question my thoughts and understand my emotions and what they're trying to tell me. Then I have to resolve my inner conflicts by working with and then through them.

I have to let go -- let go of past resentments and fears and let go of trying to control the future.

The Past:

I make a list of people and situations that hurt me. Then I have to understand what it was that got hurt; was it my pride, self-esteem, ambition or finances? What was my part? What did I want or not want from this person? What lies did (and do) I tell myself about what happened?

Example: My mother neglected me. My lies: I'm bad, I'm worthless, I don't matter, I'm unlovable.

The lies built up in my subconscious and created a person filled with self-doubt, low self-esteem and difficulties in believing my own value in the world.

Now that I discovered what lies and skewed thoughts I had been carrying, I let them go. I gave them up to my Higher Power. I let go and let God.

The Future:

How many nights did I waste tossing and turning with dark thoughts and worries about what lay ahead?

Too many.

So how did I combat my thoughts about the future?

I realized I have no control over what's going to happen. Yes, I can make plans. But I've noticed long ago that most of my plans didn't turn out the way I (ahem) planned!

Today I wake up and thank God for all I have and all the opportunities the day holds. Then I ask for His will to be done. What's His will? I like to think it's anything that is good and creates good. I keep it simple and think, "Just do the next right thing."

By doing the next right thing each day -- eating healthful foods, exercising, helping others, using my natural talents and using them to help others -- I feel I'm scattering seeds of kindness into my garden. Some of these seeds will grow, and some won't.

Only the future will tell. I can only take care of today.

And that's how I live my life -- day by day and moment by moment. I take in my surroundings -- the fresh air blowing gently through my office window, my kitten Noelle sleeping in the sunlight, the music playing on my Pandora -- and I focus on my writing and contemplate what I'm trying to say and hoping it helps.