How to Handle Family Stress and Stay Sober This Thanksgiving

For many women in recovery - or simply trying to be alcohol-free - Thanksgiving can be a challenging time. Family gatherings often come with stress, unresolved dynamics, and emotions running high—making this holiday feel more like a test than a celebration.

I remember my sister greeting me at the front door one Thanksgiving holding two glasses of wine in her hands. Thrusting one full glass towards me she groaned with despair, "You're going to NEED this!"

Frustration, anxiety, loneliness, anger, guilt, disappoint, nostalgia, depression are often mixed with excitement, pressure, obligation and even joy from mid-November through the New Year.

And, to escape all this emotional turmoil, many women use alcohol as a coping mechanism to get them through.

It’s no wonder that alcoholism is called “the disease of emotions.”

That's why you need to prepare before sitting down at the table this week. Navigating family stress and maintaining sobriety during Thanksgiving requires boundary-setting, and emotional awareness. With the right mindset and tools, you can protect your recovery, stay sober, honor your needs, and find peace during the holiday.

1. Prepare Emotionally Before the Holiday

Before stepping into a potentially stressful situation (such as your mother asking when you're getting married or if you gained weight, or your cousin asking who you voted for). Ask yourself:

• What are my expectations for this holiday? Are they realistic?

• What family dynamics tend to trigger stress or discomfort for me?

• How can I best care for myself if these situations arise?

By identifying your triggers and planning ahead, you can reduce anxiety and feel more grounded. Journaling about these questions or discussing them with a trusted friend, sponsor, or recovery group can help you process your feelings in advance.

2. Set Boundaries With Love and Clarity

Family gatherings can often push boundaries. For many women—especially those in recovery--it can also be a minefield of people-pleasing tendencies. Setting limits is essential—not just to protect your sobriety but also to maintain your emotional well-being.

Here are practical boundary-setting tips:

• Plan your stay. If you’re visiting family, consider setting time limits: “I’ll be there from 3:00 to 6:00.”

• Protect your sobriety. If alcohol will be present, bring a supportive friend or leave early if you feel uncomfortable.

• Say no without guilt. If something doesn’t feel right for you, it’s okay to decline with kindness: “Thank you for inviting me, but I’m not able to make it.”

  
  

Remember, as we often say in recovery; "No is a complete sentence!"

3. Have an Exit Strategy and Keep Your Cell Phone Handy

If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or triggered, give yourself permission to step away. Here's some suggestions for when things get a little too much to handle:

• Driving your own car so you can leave if needed.

• Taking a walk outside to breathe and re-center.

• Having a friend or sponsor you can call for support.

  
  

You don’t need to endure stressful situations just to keep the peace. Prioritizing your sobriety and emotional health is not selfish—it’s necessary. "Look out for number one" or "Sobriety first!" are good mantras to run silently in your head.

4. Use Tools From Your Recovery Toolbox

In moments of stress, lean on the tools and practices that have supported your recovery journey. Some ideas include:

• Deep breathing exercises: Inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for four. Repeat until you feel calm. This is called the "box method", it's used by the military and police and they would know!

• Grounding techniques: Focus on the sensations around you (the smell of food, the feel of your chair) to bring yourself back to the present.

• Daily reflections: Start your Thanksgiving morning with gratitude, prayer, or journaling to set a positive tone for the day.

5. Focus on Gratitude, Not Perfection

Holidays often come with high expectations, but striving for perfection can lead to unnecessary stress. And the thing about expectations is, they often lead to resentments! Instead, focus on the moments that matter:

• A meaningful conversation with a loved one.

• The opportunity to celebrate a sober holiday.

• The progress you’ve made in your recovery journey.

Gratitude shifts your mindset from stress to appreciation, making it easier to navigate challenging moments.

6. Remember That It’s Okay to Feel

Family gatherings can stir up emotions—grief, anger, sadness, or even joy—and all of these feelings are valid. Recovery doesn’t mean suppressing your emotions; it means learning to process and respond to them in healthy ways. Allow yourself to feel without judgment and use your recovery community or journal to work through any lingering emotions after the holiday.

Closing Thought: You’re Not Alone!

Thanksgiving can be stressful, but you don’t have to face it alone. Lean on your support network, practice self-care, and remember that your sobriety is your greatest gift—not just to yourself, but to everyone who loves you. Happy Thanksgiving!